There have been a lot of changes in my life over the years. I have moved house more times than I can count; I have married and divorced and re-partnered; I have become a parent and a step parent, and a step-grandparent (really freaky!); I have lost my own parent; I have changed my name; I have changed careers; I have joined and left community groups; and returned to study several times.
In my experience change always brings an element of fear - even the changes you choose for yourself. That little butterfly under your ribs that begs for an escape route just in case you have made a dumb choice is always there, but this time there isn't any butterfly. It is a huge Major Mitchell cockatoo beating its wings and squawking away. And what's more I have brought it all on myself!
The one constant in my life has always been my weight. I have finally given up all the polite language and excuses that I used to describe myself in the past - I am just plain fat! It has taken me a long time to realise the way that food has controlled my life, but I have finally decided it is time to break that control once and for all. I have booked in for lap-band surgery on October 27th.
I know all the arguments for and against, and I know lots of people will think I am cheating. I am more than willing to have that debate later on if anyone wants to comment. But right now just believe me when I say it is the right choice for me - and I know there is much more to do than just the surgery, but without it I won't be able to start.
But despite all the changesI have already experienced, and the fact I am convinced this is what I should do - this feels like the BIG one! I am scared witless! Not about the surgery as such, but about the changes that will roll on throughout the rest of my life. No more flab to hide behind, no more reasons to hold back, no more excuses - it is finally time to get to know me! I just hope I like her!
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I know there is a part of me that has played hide and seek throughout my life. She is fun and strong and carefree and confident. I call her Dizzy and this blog is about my attempts to find her and set her free.
About Me
- dizzy
- Melbourne, Victoria, Australia
- I think if you asked a random sample of 3 people who know me, they would give you at least 5 different versions of me. There is the usual mother-of-three, daughter, sister, partner and workmate - plus the slightly less common stepmother, step-grandmother, choir member and ex RAAF brat. But it is my personality most would find hard to describe. I am quiet, opinionated, shy, tough, conservative, open-minded, unobservant, quick-thinking, considerate, caring, and totally strange. So, take your pick, if nothing else you are sure to find something about me to keep you interested!
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4 comments:
Just wanted to say hi.
Changes are what we are afraid of, I am with you, I am also afraid of what is going to come out the other side of the band. I just hope it will be me basically without the flab.
I wanted to blog it out so that I can record all the feelings that I have about it, both good and bad. Its exciting yet so so so scary.
I have tried to tell my mum and dad but I just got ridiculed so that is why I have decided to keep it to myself, once I have had it done and have started losing weight I may reconsider it then. But I want to remain positive so for now its just my husband, I may tell my best friend but still pondering that at present.
I have made friends with 2 other ladies who are having their bands done by the same surgeon and we have been chatting through the lapband forum, supporting each other. At the moment I am happy for the support I am receiving.
Thanks for your support too.
I am here for you also.
Lol...I just did a post on this sort of thing and what people say when they find out...not easy. The one comforting thing is, it seems, we all think the same about our weight and banding and whether people think we are cheating or taking the easy way out.....good luck girls
What an inspiring post. Good Luck with your surgery, sounds like you are in the right frame of mind to make those changes.
Sandra
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